Category: <span>Child Counseling</span>

Child Counseling DBT Teen Counseling By Jeffrey LaPonsie 0 Comments

The Power of Mindfulness in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) for Teens

In today’s fast-paced and often stressful world, adolescents face a unique set of challenges that can take a toll on their mental well-being. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) has emerged as a powerful tool in helping teens navigate these challenges and develop healthy coping mechanisms. One crucial component of DBT that has gained increasing attention is mindfulness. In this blog post, we will explore how teens are using mindfulness in DBT to enhance their emotional regulation, interpersonal skills, and overall quality of life.

Mindfulness: A Brief Overview

Mindfulness, at its core, is the practice of being fully present in the moment, observing one’s thoughts, emotions, and sensations without judgment. It involves cultivating a non-reactive awareness of one’s experiences, allowing individuals to respond to situations more skillfully rather than reacting impulsively. This practice has its roots in ancient meditation traditions, but its application in contemporary psychological therapies, such as DBT, has proven to be immensely beneficial, especially for teenagers.

Mindfulness in DBT for Teens

1. Emotional Regulation: Adolescence is a period marked by intense emotions and mood swings. Mindfulness helps teens become more aware of their emotions as they arise, giving them the space to acknowledge and understand their feelings without becoming overwhelmed. This self-awareness enables them to respond to emotions in healthier ways, preventing impulsive actions and fostering emotional resilience.

2. Interpersonal Effectiveness: Effective communication and relationship-building are crucial skills for teenagers to develop. Mindfulness teaches teens to be present and attentive during interactions, fostering better listening skills and empathy. This heightened awareness of their own emotions also aids in understanding others’ perspectives and responding in a more compassionate and constructive manner.

3. Distress Tolerance: Adolescents often struggle with managing distressing situations. Mindfulness provides teens with a toolkit to handle stressors without resorting to impulsive behaviors. By learning to sit with discomfort and observe their reactions without judgment, teens can build resilience and become better equipped to navigate life’s challenges.

4. Self-Validation: Mindfulness encourages self-compassion and self-acceptance. Teens can learn to validate their own experiences and feelings, reducing self-criticism and negative self-talk. This newfound self-awareness and self-kindness can lead to improved self-esteem and overall well-being.

Practical Tips for Teens Incorporating Mindfulness into DBT

1. Mindful Breathing: Encourage teens to practice focused breathing exercises, such as deep belly breathing. This simple technique helps anchor their attention to the present moment, calming their mind and reducing anxiety.

2. Body Scan Meditation: Guide teens through body scan meditations, where they progressively focus on each part of their body, cultivating a sense of bodily awareness and relaxation.

3. Mindful Observations: Encourage teens to engage their senses fully in daily activities. Whether it’s eating, walking, or even taking a shower, encourage them to notice the details they might otherwise overlook.

4. Mindful Journaling: Suggest keeping a mindfulness journal where teens can jot down their observations, thoughts, and feelings. This practice enhances self-reflection and reinforces their mindfulness skills.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy offers a holistic approach to helping teens develop essential life skills. The incorporation of mindfulness techniques empowers adolescents to become more self-aware, emotionally resilient, and socially adept. By practicing mindfulness in DBT, teens can gain a deeper understanding of themselves, cultivate healthier relationships, and build a foundation for a more balanced and fulfilling life. As the popularity of mindfulness continues to grow, its role in empowering teens through DBT remains a beacon of hope for a brighter and more mindful future.

Jeff LaPonsie LMSW
jeff laponsie LMSW kalamazoo therapy

Jeff LaPonsie is a clinical social worker at Kalamazoo Child and Family Counseling, PLLC. He provides counseling to children and families in the Kalamazoo, Portage, Mattawan, and South West Michigan areas. He is passionate about helping challenging children and frustrated parents. Jeff has over seven years of experience working with at-risk youth. His clinical expertise includes working with children with behavioral, anxiety, attachment, and trauma-related disorders.

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Challenging children Child Counseling Family Counseling Parenting By Jeffrey LaPonsie 0 Comments

Unlocking a Brighter Future: The Profound Benefits of Child Counseling

Childhood is a time of wonder, discovery, and growth, but it can also be a period of challenges and uncertainties. Every child navigates a unique journey, facing various emotional, social, and psychological hurdles along the way. In such moments, child counseling emerges as a guiding light, offering a range of invaluable benefits that foster emotional well-being, resilience, and personal growth. In this blog post, we’ll delve into the transformative advantages of child counseling and explore how it can unlock a brighter future for the youngest members of our society.

Emotional Expression and Regulation

Children often lack the verbal skills and emotional vocabulary to express their feelings and concerns effectively. Counseling provides them with a safe and non-judgmental space to articulate their emotions, whether it’s sadness, anger, fear, or confusion. By learning to recognize and express their feelings, children develop essential emotional regulation skills that empower them to cope with challenges in healthier ways.

Enhanced Self-Esteem and Confidence

Childhood experiences significantly shape a child’s self-esteem and self-worth. Through counseling, children can explore their strengths, talents, and unique qualities, which in turn fosters a positive self-image. A skilled counselor helps children identify and challenge negative self-perceptions, allowing them to develop a strong sense of self-confidence that lays the foundation for a more resilient future.  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can improve self-esteem and positive self-talk.

Effective Communication Skills

Clear and effective communication is a crucial life skill. Child counseling equips young minds with the tools to express themselves, their needs, and their boundaries assertively and respectfully. These communication skills extend to interactions with family, peers, and authority figures, setting the stage for healthier relationships throughout their lives.

Coping Strategies and Problem-Solving

Childhood is peppered with challenges, both big and small. Learning effective coping strategies early on empowers children to navigate stressors and setbacks with grace. In counseling, children discover a repertoire of coping mechanisms that suit their individual needs, including mindfulness, relaxation techniques, and creative outlets like art or play therapy. Moreover, they develop problem-solving skills that enable them to tackle challenges with resilience and confidence.

Social and Emotional Intelligence

Navigating complex social dynamics and understanding others’ emotions are vital skills for any child. Child counseling helps children develop empathy, emotional intelligence, and social awareness, fostering better relationships with peers and family members. These skills are essential for successful collaboration, teamwork, and maintaining healthy friendships throughout their lives.

Healing from Trauma

Children may encounter traumatic events that deeply affect their well-being and development. Child counseling provides a safe environment for processing and healing from traumatic experiences, allowing children to regain a sense of security and normalcy. Early intervention can significantly reduce the long-term impact of trauma and prevent potential psychological challenges down the road.  TF-CBT is well researched and evidence-based treatment for PTSD.

Academic Success

Emotional well-being and academic performance are closely intertwined. Children who receive counseling are better equipped to manage stress and anxiety related to schoolwork. By addressing underlying emotional challenges, child counseling enhances a child’s ability to focus, concentrate, and engage in the learning process, ultimately paving the way for improved academic achievement.

Conclusion

Child counseling is a profound investment in a child’s emotional and psychological well-being. By offering a space for emotional expression, confidence-building, communication skill development, and trauma healing, counseling empowers children to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and grace. The benefits of child counseling extend far beyond childhood, influencing future relationships, academic success, and overall happiness. As parents, caregivers, and educators, it is our responsibility to recognize the importance of child counseling and provide our young ones with the support they need to thrive.

jeff laponsie LMSW kalamazoo therapy
 

Jeff LaPonsie LMSW

Jeff LaPonsie is a clinical social worker at Kalamazoo Child and Family Counseling, PLLC. He provides counseling to children and families in the Kalamazoo, Portage, Mattawan, and South West Michigan areas. He is passionate about helping challenging children and frustrated parents. Jeff has over seven years of experience working with at-risk youth. His clinical expertise includes working with children with behavioral, anxiety, attachment, and trauma-related disorders.

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Anxiety Child Counseling • By Jeffrey LaPonsie 0 Comments

Three Deep Breathing Strategies to Help Kids with Anxiety

Deep breathing is a simple yet powerful technique that can help children manage their emotions and reduce stress. When practiced regularly, deep breathing can help kids feel more relaxed and focused, and improve their overall well-being. This technique can be especially helpful for children who struggle with anxiety, as it can provide a sense of calm and control in stressful situations.

Anxiety can be overwhelming for children, causing them to feel worried, nervous, or fearful. Deep breathing can help children calm their minds and bodies when they start to feel anxious. By taking slow, deep breaths, children can activate their parasympathetic nervous system, which helps to lower their heart rate and blood pressure, and reduces feelings of anxiety.

Here are three fun and easy ways kids can practice deep breathing to help manage anxiety:

  1. Balloon Breathing

Balloon breathing is a fun and interactive way to teach children how to take deep breaths. Have your child sit comfortably with their back straight and take a deep breath in through their nose. As they inhale, tell them to imagine they are blowing up a balloon in their belly. Then, have them slowly exhale through their mouth, as if they are letting the air out of the balloon. Encourage them to repeat this process several times, taking slow, deep breaths each time.

  1. Flower Breathing

Flower breathing is a visualization technique that can help kids relax and feel more centered. Have your child close their eyes and imagine they are holding a beautiful flower. Tell them to take a deep breath in through their nose, imagining they are smelling the flower’s sweet scent. Then, have them slowly exhale through their mouth, imagining they are blowing away the flower’s petals. Encourage your child to repeat this process several times, focusing on the sensation of the breath and the visualization of the flower.

  1. Counting Breaths

Counting breaths is a simple and effective way to help children focus their attention and calm their minds. Have your child sit comfortably and take a deep breath in through their nose. As they inhale, have them silently count to four. Then, have them hold their breath for a count of four, and slowly exhale for a count of four. Encourage your child to repeat this process several times, focusing on the counting and the sensation of the breath.

In conclusion, deep breathing is a valuable tool for children to manage their emotions and reduce stress, particularly for those who struggle with anxiety. Encourage your child to practice these simple techniques regularly, and they will soon reap the benefits of a more relaxed and centered mind. If your child continues to struggle with anxiety, it may be helpful to seek support from a mental health professional who can provide additional resources and strategies.

jeff laponsie LMSW kalamazoo therapyJeff LaPonsie LMSW

Jeff LaPonsie is a clinical social worker at Kalamazoo Child and Family Counseling, PLLC. He provides counseling to children and families in the Kalamazoo, Portage, Mattawan, and South West Michigan area. He is passionate about helping challenging children and frustrated parents. Jeff has over seven years of experience working with at risk youth. His clinical expertise includes working with children with behavioral, anxiety, attachment and trauma related disorders.

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Challenging children Child Counseling Family Therapy Parenting By Jeffrey LaPonsie 0 Comments

Using the PRIDE Skills during Play

Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) is an evidence-based treatment that aims to improve the relationship between a parent and their child. One of the key components of PCIT is the use of PRIDE skills, which are techniques that help parents build positive interactions with their children. In this blog post, we’ll take a closer look at the PRIDE skills in PCIT and how they can benefit both parents and children.

PRIDE stands for praise, reflect, imitate, describe, and enjoy. Let’s break down each of these skills and explore how they can be used in PCIT:

Praise: This skill involves giving specific and positive feedback to your child for their good behavior. Praise can help build your child’s confidence, encourage positive behavior, and strengthen your relationship with them. When using praise in PCIT, it’s important to be specific about what behavior you’re praising and to use an enthusiastic tone of voice. For example, “Great job sharing your toys with me!”

Reflect: This skill involves repeating back to your child what they’ve said to you, to show that you’re listening and to help your child feel understood. Reflecting can help your child feel heard and validated, and can also help prevent misunderstandings. When using reflection in PCIT, it’s important to use the same words your child used and to maintain a calm and supportive tone of voice.

Imitate: This skill involves copying your child’s behavior to show that you’re interested in what they’re doing and to help them feel connected to you. Imitating can help your child feel validated and can also encourage positive behavior. When using imitation in PCIT, it’s important to be playful and lighthearted and to follow your child’s lead. For example, if your child is playing with blocks, you might start building your own tower.

Describe: This skill involves narrating your child’s behavior to help them learn new words and concepts, and to encourage positive behavior. Describing can help your child feel heard and understood, and can also help them develop their language skills. When using description in PCIT, it’s important to be specific about what your child is doing and to use a supportive and encouraging tone of voice. For example, “You’re stacking the blue block on top of the red block!”

Enjoy: This skill involves having fun with your child and enjoying positive experiences together. Enjoying can help build your relationship with your child and can also help them develop positive memories. When using enjoyment in PCIT, it’s important to be present in the moment and to focus on having fun with your child. For example, you might play a game together, go for a walk, or have a special snack together.

By using the PRIDE skills in PCIT, parents can strengthen their relationship with their child and encourage positive behavior. These skills can also help parents develop their own parenting skills, improve their communication with their child, and reduce their own stress and frustration. Overall, the PRIDE skills are an essential component of PCIT and can benefit both parents and children in many ways.

jeff laponsie LMSW kalamazoo therapyJeff LaPonsie is a clinical social worker at Kalamazoo Child and Family Counseling, PLLC. He provides counseling to children and families in the Kalamazoo, Portage, Mattawan, and the South West Michigan area. He is passionate about helping challenging children and frustrated parents. Jeff has over seven years of experience working with at-risk youth. His clinical expertise includes providing play therapy with children with behavioral, anxiety, attachment and trauma-related disorders.

Challenging children Child Counseling Family Counseling Family Therapy Parenting • • By Jeffrey LaPonsie 0 Comments

5 Ways to Communicate With Kids Effectively

Sometimes, it can be difficult to talk to kids in effective ways that promote growth and understanding. Below are five tips to help you communicate more successfully with children.

Understand when to connect and disconnect

Every person needs time to be with others and to be alone. It is helpful to communicate with kids when adults need time to themselves. This way, adults set boundaries and kids can learn to as well through the adults’ examples.

Take ownership for your part

When repairs need to be made in a relationship, it is important for adults to be the ones to make amends. The adult can start by taking responsibility for their part of the issue. This teaches kids to take ownership for their actions or words as they see the adult doing this again and again.

Ask clarifying questions

If things are difficult to understand as the adult, ask the child questions to be able to really comprehend where they are coming from. This can be done by reflecting what they said or by summarizing what they communicated to determine if the adult understood it correctly.

Collaborate with kids

When discussing ways for kids to do better next time, include them in the dialogue. The adult can ask the child if they have any ideas on how the situation could be improved for the future. Including children in the decision making will help them be more invested in the result.

Set emotional boundaries

When talking to kids, it is important to be neutral and connected instead of overly emotional or anxious. By staying neutral, adults give kids a calming presence to help ground them. This also helps communication start off on an effective note.

Do you need help communicating better with your kids? Check out our page on challenging children: https://kzoofamilycounseling.com/index.php/jeff-laponsie-family-counseling/counseling-for-challenging-children-teens/

Anxiety Child Counseling Parenting • • • By Jeffrey LaPonsie 0 Comments

4 Tips To Help Anxious Kids Relax At Home

In today’s modern world, many kids are stressed by different aspects of life. When kids are feeling overly anxious or worried, have them try these relaxation tips to help them calm down and stay present.

Four Square Breathing

Four-Square Breathing is fun for kids to learn, since it can be described just like the game. Kids will:

  • Breathe in for four seconds
  • Hold their breath for four seconds
  • Breathe out for four seconds
  • Do nothing for four seconds

This exercise can be repeated as many times as necessary to help children calm down. 

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

In Progressive Muscle Relaxation, kids will tense up various muscles in their body and then release them, helping their body and mind calm down. Examples include:

  • Tensing their fists and releasing them.
  • Shrugging their shoulders up to their ears and dropping them.

Each pose can be held for a few seconds and then let go.

Mindfulness

Anxious kids tend to worry about things that have happened or what is to come. In moments like these, ask kids to take a minute to be present. They can do this by looking for a certain color and number of items in the room, such as:

  • Five blue things
  • Four green items

This can orient kids to their surroundings. Mindfulness also helps children take a break from thinking of the stressor. 

Imagery

When stressed, kids may wish they could go somewhere more pleasant. In these moments, it can be helpful for them to think of their favorite place in the world. Kids can close their eyes and imagine they are there. Adults can ask:

  • What does it feel like to sit in that place?
  • What does it smell like?
  • What are the surroundings?
  • Can you draw a picture of your favorite place so you can remember it when you feel stressed in the future?

Imagery helps get kids’ minds off their stressful thoughts and can remind them of places and times that are more pleasant. 

For more information about anxiety with kids and how Kalamazoo Child and Family Counseling can help, check out our page on anxiety: https://kzoofamilycounseling.com/index.php/jeff-laponsie-family-counseling/therapy-for-children-with-anxiety/

TF-CBT Kalamazoo
Child Counseling Grief and Loss PTSD • • By Jeffrey LaPonsie 0 Comments

What is Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT)?

Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) is a widely used and effective therapy. TF-CBT helps children ages 3-18 years-old and their families who are struggling with the effects of trauma and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  Multiple randomized clinical trials have prove TF-CBT’s effectiveness.  TF-CBT is a gold-standard treatment for addressing trauma in children.  The California Evidenced Based Clearinghouse for Child Welfare gives its highest rating for TF-CBT as an evidenced-based treatment for children impacted by trauma.  When children or adolescents have gone through trauma they may experience a combination of any of the following: intrusive thoughts, fear, anxiety, mistrust, depression, troubles with sleep, aggression, and various other symptoms.

Types of Trauma addressed by TF-CBT

Types of trauma commonly treated by TF-CBT include sexual abuse or assault, physical abuse, a sudden or traumatic death, violence at home or in the community, a natural or man-made disaster, a car accident, community violence and animal attacks.

What makes  it work?

There are two major components of TF-CBT that make it work: parent/caregiver involvement and a concept called gradual exposure. Parent/caregiver involvement can include meeting one-on-one with the therapist, or meeting at least a part of every session.  These meetings are intended to help therapists and parents be on the same page about current symptoms and parental concerns. This is also a wonderful time to educate parents about trauma and its impact on children.  It also can also be a good time address any of their child’s difficult behaviors, emotional outbursts, and safety concerns.

Gradual exposure includes intentional exploration of trauma reminders for the purpose of achieving desensitization to them. Gradual exposure begins with small intentional doses and is increased over time.  In TF-CBT, gradual exposure does not mean children need to immediately talk about what happened.  Humans don’t usually throw children in the deep end to teach them to swim.  To use the swimming analogy again, we get used to the temperature of the water before going under.  In the first sessions of TF-CBT, clients will receive education about common effects of the specific trauma they went through and by the end of treatment they will have created a narrative about what they went through and how they were impacted by it. The narrative, along with the other forms of gradual exposure, helps the child and family to reduce their avoidance and other PTSD symptoms.  There any many myths about PTSD and children, gradual exposure is an important part of PTSD treatment.

Steps of TF-CBT

First, children and adolescents will learn about trauma and how it commonly impacts people. They will learn relaxation skills to help them calm down when they are anxious, mad, etc. Next, kids will learn healthy ways to identify and express their feelings. Then, the child or adolescent will learn strategies to change negative or unhelpful thoughts to ones that are more positive, or helpful.  This is especially important for “stinking thinking” related to the traumatic event. Once children and teens gain confidence in these skills, they will move into creating a story about the trauma they experienced. The narrative will include some general information about the client, what happened before, during, and after the traumatic event(s), their feelings and thoughts surrounding the trauma, and what advice they would give to other kids like them. Once the narrative is completed, it is usually shared with the parent or caregiver in a conjoint session. Further sessions will address any triggers that may be inhibiting the child or adolescent, finding ways to overcome them, and increasing safety for the family as they move forward.

Kylie Bader and Jeff LaPonsie LMSW

Kylie Bader was an Intern from Western Michigan Univeristy’s School of Social Work.  Her graduate studies including trauma across the lifespan, and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

jeff laponsie LMSW kalamazoo therapy

Jeff LaPonsie is a clinical social worker at Kalamazoo Child and Family Counseling, PLLC. He provides counseling to children and families in the Kalamazoo, Portage, Mattawan, and the South West Michigan area. He is passionate about helping challenging children and frustrated parents. Jeff has over seven years of experience working with at risk youth. His clinical expertise includes providing play therapy with children with behavioral, anxiety, attachment and trauma related disorders.

anxious child kalamazoo
Anxiety Child Counseling Parenting • By Jeffrey LaPonsie 0 Comments

Anxious child? Helping them have a give it a try attitude

Does your hesitant, or anxious child have a hard time trying new things.  Sometimes you probably wish they would just jump and give it a try.  It’s heart wrenching watching them at the sidelines too nervous to join in.  Many children who struggle with anxiety or who worry too much get stuck in the fear of doing something new.  It seems too risky, and they are paralyzed by all the “what if’s.”

Many times, when we want kids to not be anxious, what we’d really like to see, is them being brave.  How do kids learn to be brave?  Bravery is doing something despite feeling scared.   We want kids to try new things or do something despite their worry.  It is simply not realistic to believe that we can reduce all risk and reassure them that nothing bad will happen.  Parents don’t want to provide that sort of security, children need to be able to assess risk and act despite their worry.  After all we want kids to try out for the school play knowing not all who audition will get a part.  Likewise, we want kids to interview for a job, knowing that not everyone who interviews will be hired.

Offering reassurance to an anxious child

Reassuring statements like, “Nothing bad is going to happen,” or “You’ll be fine” surprisingly enough don’t persuade kids to not be anxious.  Additionally, we want nervous or avoidant children to do something despite being anxious, not only act when they feel fine.  An anxious child is more likely perceive an unfamiliar situation as threatening than a non-anxious child.

Anxious children have negative expectations about situations.  These negative expectations drive the fear response that children experience when faced with something uncertain.  Exploring these expectations with children helps them understand that these expectations are just thoughts and what they fear might happen doesn’t always happen.  Additionally, they learn that they can handle and cope with big fears.

Helping kids develop a “give it a try” attitude helps primarily in two ways to reduce anxiety

  1. Parents help children identify negative expectations and test what will happen when they face their fears.
  2. Children are exposed to their fear, and learn that they can cope and handle the stress.

 

Parents can have a tremendous impact on helping their nervous or hesitant child.  Help children talk about their negative expectations, evaluate and take risks help children learn to be brave and not paralyzed by fear.  Chris Hadfield, and astronaut who went blind in space talks about the difference between fear and danger.  The reality is most of the time for anxious children their fear of the situation is different than the danger of the situation and encouraging them to give it a try will help them learn that can deal with stress, anxiety and be just fine.

References:

Creswell, C., Parkinson, M., Thirlwall, K., & Willetts, L. (2017). Parent-led CBT for child anxiety: helping parents help their kids. New York: Guilford Press.

 

jeff laponsie LMSW kalamazoo

Jeff LaPonsie LMSW

Jeff LaPonsie is a clinical social worker at Kalamazoo Child and Family Counseling, PLLC. He provides counseling to children and families in the Kalamazoo, Portage, Mattawan, and the South West Michigan area. He is passionate about helping challenging children and frustrated parents. Jeff has over seven years of experience working with at risk youth. His clinical expertise includes providing play therapywith children with behavioral, anxiety, attachment and trauma related disorders.

 

grief counseling kalamazoo
Child Counseling Grief and Loss Parenting • • By Jeffrey LaPonsie 0 Comments

Grief and Kids : 5 things every grieving child wants their parent to know

The death of family member, friend or significant person in a child’s life is a terrible loss.  Your child may have child lost someone to cancer over the course of time, or suddenly through a heart attack, car accident or suicide. However the loss happened, grief is a challenging time for children.  What we know about grieving children is that big feelings come and go like waves.  It can be challenging for parents and caregivers to know what to do and what to say to children who are clearly hurting.

Grief is normal

Grief is a normal process for children who have lost someone special to them.  When children lose someonenwho has played a major role in their life it is normal for them to struggle. The absence of the person takes time to fully sink in and children often continue to miss the loved one for a while.  Children don’t just “get over” a person’s death, but they do adjust to the new normal.

 

Children should know the truth.

Many parents and caregivers want to protect their children from the difficulties of that come with death.  Often we avoid words like “dead” or “die.”  Although it is hard to share the truth about how someone died, honest answers help build trust and provide understanding to children.  Children are very smart and often will fill in information that they imagine with information they have learned.  Often in our best attempt to shield children from pain we are encouraging unhelpful imaginations to run wild. Telling children the truth about death and dying is important and should be balanced with what is developmentally appropriate.

 

Children should be told what to expect.

Between funerals, wakes and burials, there are a lot of new experiences for children when someone dies.  The decision for whether or not a child should attend a funeral is very specific to the development of the child. Attending a funeral can provide closure to some children yet may frighten and confuse others. These decisions are not ones the can be made easily or quickly and should be carefully considered.

Grieving children often feel alone.

Often adults who are well meaning avoid talking about the deceased person in fear that doing so will make the grief that a child has for a loved one worse.  By doing this there is the risk of encouraging children not to talk about their loss or to think they shouldn’t show grief.  It is helpful to children when grownups acknowledge the grief that everyone is feeling.  When children don’t feel like they can talk about their grief that may wonder, “Am I handling this right?”  “Is there something wrong with me because this is still bothering me?”

 

Every child grieves differently.

There is no set way that we know kids handle the loss of a loved one.  What we do know is that the relationship a child has with the person who died matters.  Just as their relationship was unique so is the way that a child will grieve.  Some grieving children want to talk about the person who died.  Other children actively avoid any and all reminders of the person.  Children express grief differently.

Grief Counseling for children can help

Grief that doesn’t seem to get better with time may be sign that your child may benefit from outside assistance in dealing with the loss.  For children whose grief is getting in the way of being successful at school, or every day life,  therapy that focuses on making sense of the loss, or processing the grief may be needed.

jeff laponsie LMSW kalamazoo

 

 

 

 

Jeff LaPonsie LMSW

Jeff LaPonsie is a clinical social worker at Kalamazoo Child and Family Counseling, PLLC. He provides counseling to children and families in the Kalamazoo, Portage, Mattawan, and South West Michigan area. He is passionate about helping challenging children and frustrated parents. Jeff has over seven years of experience working with at risk youth. His clinical expertise includes working with children with behavioral, anxiety, attachment and trauma related disorders.

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PTSD Child Counseling
Child Counseling PTSD • By Jeffrey LaPonsie 0 Comments

5 Myths about Childhood PTSD

For the longest time children were not thought to be able to develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).   The traumatic events traditionally thought to cause PTSD were not believed to happen to children.  There are many myths about how resilient they were or what made an event “traumatic.”  All of these things impacted how adults thought of children. Myths continue about how if a child were tougher or stronger they would not be bothered by something that has happened in the past, or that that they would have “gotten over it.”

Myth#1 – Children don’t get PTSD

The people who first researched and wrote about post-traumatic stress disorder studied the effects of war on soldiers. It was known that they were exposed to a potentially traumatic event. Children were thought to be are low risk for post-traumatic stress disorder because the most common traumatic events that children are exposed to take place in secrecy and sometimes in the context of a child’s family. Domestic violence, physical abuse, parental substance abuse, and sexual abuse happen most often in secrecy.
For example, sexual abuse, an experience that is unfortunately true for 1 in 10 children before their 18 birthday is incredibly difficult to ‘prove’ but has a tremendous impact on children. The secret nature of child sexual abuse means that many times adults in a child’s life are seeing the impact of a trauma on a child without knowing what may be fueling some behaviors. Of course, children are in car accidents, suffer traumatic losses, and are victims of other violent crimes and these children are at risk to develop PTSD or a traumatic stress response as well.

Myth #2 – It happened so long ago they don’t remember it.

A child’s reluctance to put words to what has happened is often misinterpreted by adults as their inability to remember. Avoidance is one of the hallmark features of PTSD. It is a common reaction for children to try not to think about or express feelings about what happened. Just because kids and teens don’t talk about what happened, or they say they don’t remember doesn’t mean they aren’t experiencing traumatic stress reactions.

Myth #3 – Children are resilient

So this myth isn’t completely wrong. Children have amazing abilities to grow and adapt. What we know about how children’s brain grow, and develop is that brains develop over time, and at certain stages of childhood grow rapidly. This rapid brain growth is wonderful for children who are safe from violence and well nutured.  Trauma has the unfortunate ability to disrupt normal child development. This traumatic stress is now known to effect brain development. Children who have experienced trauma are at higher risk for many mental health problems, like depression, anxiety and PTSD.

Myth #4 -After a while children just get over it.

The idea that children should just “get over” traumatic events shames children who can’t. Not everyone who experiences a traumatic event goes on to develop PTSD.  A traumatic event is a subjective experience, and a series of risk and protective factors impact whether or children do develop PTSD. Some times there are long delays between experiencing a traumatic event, and developing PTSD. Many factors go into determining whether a not a child goes on to develop PTSD. These include: how old they are when the traumatic happened, how long or severe was it, was the child believed and protected, what sort of traumatic event happened, and whether or not the trauma happened in the context of a caregiving relationship..

Myth #5 -You shouldn’t bring it up, or dig too much into the past.

It is normal for parents to want their child to forget about the terrible thing that happened. In fact for some parents that is their litmus test of whether or not a child has healed from a traumatic event. What we know is that children who experience a traumatic even, often remember it. It can be more alarming when children deny remembering anything at all. Although depending how old a child was when something happened, and how long ago it happened it would be very normal to not remember all or parts of it. Some children as part of their avoidance in talking about what happened will say they don’t remember it.
In counseling for childhood PTSD talking about what happened is part of the process of making meaning of what happened, to desensitizing a child to trauma reminders, and to challenge unhelp beliefs a child might have about what happen. The stress that children with unresolved trauma have is tremendous. It is often at the forefront of their mind, often fuels troublesome behaviors.

 

jeff laponsie LMSW kalamazoo

 

 

 

 

 

Jeff LaPonsie LMSW

Jeff LaPonsie is a clinical social worker at Kalamazoo Child and Family Counseling, PLLC. He provides counseling to children and families in the Kalamazoo, Portage, Mattawan, and South West Michigan area. He is passionate about helping challenging children and frustrated parents. Jeff has over seven years of experience working with at risk youth. His clinical expertise includes working with children with behavioral, anxiety, attachment and trauma related disorders.

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Post-traumatic stress disorder Kalamazoo Portage Child Counseling
Child Counseling PTSD • By Jeffrey LaPonsie 0 Comments

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Children

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can develop after something scary, shocking, dangerous, and or life-threatening happens. Children who are exposed to violence, are victims of physical or sexual abuse, experience a medical trauma, a car crash, or experience a sudden and tragic loss are all vulnerable to develop symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Important things to remember about traumatic events

  1. A traumatic event can be anything where there is exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury or sexual violence.
  2. It’s a child’s perception of an event that is important. The factual nature of their recollection of an event is not important.  Trauma is very subjective; one child may be in a bad car accident and never wish to be a passenger again.  While another child may be in the exact same car accident but get a car immediately afterwards and have no difficulty.
  3. Chronic or ongoing abuse or neglect is often referred to as complex trauma. Complex trauma impacts children differently than single or event-based traumas.  Complex trauma occurs in the context of a parent-child relationship and is often ongoing and unpredictable.  Children who have experienced complex trauma often have impacted development and cognition, and emotional and behavioral dysregulation. This article will discuss event-based or more single-incident post-traumatic stress disorder.

Symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in Children:

Re-experiencing in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

When a traumatic event happens a child’s ability to make sense of the event is overwhelmed. A child’s struggle to process a traumatic event can come out spontaneously in a child’s play.  For some children have repetitive or stuck play (think broken record) .  This often a repeating loop that reenacts parts of the traumatic event.  Other Children may think of or remember the event when they do not want to. They may describe the event as playing in their head like a movie, or that a certain picture or image is stuck in their head.

Some children have intrusive memories of the events that appear in their dreams, or nightmares. For some children with post-traumatic stress disorder the distressing dream or nightmare may not be related the traumatic event but the general theme is distressing, anxious or scary.

Previously non-threatening events, places, things, people can trigger anxiety in children who have experienced a trauma. For some children who have been in a car accident the next time they need to ride in a vehicle they may be distressed or worried.  Sometimes these are easy to spot, and other times not-so much.

Avoidance in children with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Children who have experienced a traumatic event may avoid activities, places, or other reminders of the traumatic event. While this may not seem troublesome at first, avoidance often gets in the way of children and their families living their lives the way they would like.  For example a child who was in a bad car accident may find it difficult to ride the bus that takes them to school, causing them to be late, miss the bus or be anxious their entire trip to school.

Avoidance is difficult to help in children because it often alleviates stress and anxiety in the moment for a child.  When a child is successful in avoiding getting in the car, the stress that they had in anticipation of getting in the car is relieved.  This doesn’t make them more capable of tolerating stress or desensitize them to the car—it just teaches them that avoiding works.

Symptoms of hyperarousal, and reactivity in children with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

When something terrible or tragic happens in a child’s life their perception of the world as a safe place changes. For some children the awareness that the world can be dangerous leads to being constantly on the lookout, or hypervigilant.   Sleep problems and exaggerated startled responses (think jumping to loud noises) are also common. Trouble concentrating or  mood problems like having  irritable behavioral or angry outburst are also common in children with post-traumatic stress disorder but are often mistake for ADHD or other mental health disorders.

While this is not an exhaustive lists of what or how children with PTSD may act or behave—it’s a good start to thinking about how a child who has experienced or witnessed something traumatic may be responding.   For many children with PTSD, Trauma-Focused Cognitive behavioral Therapy is an effective, evidenced-based treatment that is proven to be effective.

jeff laponsie LMSW kalamazoo

 

 

 

 

 

Jeff LaPonsie LMSW

Jeff LaPonsie is a clinical social worker at Kalamazoo Child and Family Counseling, PLLC. He provides counseling to children and families in the Kalamazoo, Portage, South West Michigan area. He is passionate about helping challenging children and frustrated parents. Jeff has over seven years of experience working with at risk youth. His clinical expertise includes working with children with behavioral, anxiety, attachment and trauma related disorders.

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anxiety symptoms in children
Anxiety Child Counseling • By Jeffrey LaPonsie 0 Comments

Anxiety Symptoms in Children

Anxiety symptoms in young children

Anxiety symptoms can look very different in younger kids than in adults. It can be difficult determining what is developmentally normal and what should be cause for concern.  Likewise some worry and stress is not problematic.

Asking for reassurance repeatedly

Examples of young children asking for reassurance may look like them repeatedly asking you to look over their homework, even though they’ve made no errors. Some children who are looking for reassurance will repeatedly call home from school to hear from their parents that they’re okay.  They may want to be told that he or she is a good boy or girl.  Asking for reassurance is a queue for parents that their child is worrying about what they are asking for reassurance with.  Asking for reassurance is a common anxiety symptom.

Trouble sleeping at night

Many children have trouble sleeping for lots of different reasons. One reason why some children struggle with sleep is that they are unable to let go things that they are worrying about.  Kids who worry to the point where it interferes with sleep may have anxiety.  I previously wrote a blog post about how to help children with anxiety sleep better.

Trouble concentrating

This is not always thought of as an anxiety symptom.  It can be difficult to tell why a child is not able to attend or concentrate at school. Some children have neurodevelopmental disorder like Attention Deficit Hyper Activity Disorder (ADHD) and have difficulty attending.  However, kids who are worrying or preoccupied with anxious thoughts at school may also have trouble concentrating.

Restlessness or being on edge

Some anxious children just seem to explode out of nowhere. They may seem irritable or grumpy.  Children who are chronically worried are oftentimes overwhelmed.  For a child with an anxiety a seemingly mild or small stressor may be just enough to overwhelm what they were previously just barely managing to handle.

Most common anxiety disorders and their symptoms

Separation Anxiety – Age inappropriate stress and anxiety over separating from caregiver. This sort of anxiety interferes with a child’s ability to actually separate, or how they function when they have separated.  Some children with separation anxiety disorder cannot separate to attend school or daycare, or need to sleep in their parent’s bed at night.

Generalized Anxiety – This is one the most common anxiety disorders in children. These children worry excessively about many things like school, health, safety or family members. They may always think of the worst that could happen. Some children have physical symptoms, like headaches, stomachaches, muscle tension, or tiredness

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) – This is commonly thought of when people think of veterans coming back from war. PTSD in children can be result of any number of traumatic events, such as a car crash, physical or sexual abuse, being exposed to violence, medical trauma, the list goes on.  Common symptoms of PTSD in children include always being on the lookout, thinking about the traumatic thing that happened when they don’t want to, sleep disturbances, fear or avoidance of reminders of the traumatic event.

Social Anxiety – This is often characterized by children avoiding or becoming distressed in situations where are required to interact with others. Social anxiety can be triggered in children when they’re required to speak or perform in front of others.

Phobias – These are intense, often irrational fears of people, places or things. Common phobias include driving, dogs, flying on an airplanes or heights.  Children with phobias desperately avoid, or become distressed when exposed to whatever they fear.

If you’d like to talk with someone about your child’s anxiety symptoms contact us now for a free consultation.

jeff laponsie LMSW kalamazoo

 

 

 

 

 

Jeff LaPonsie LMSW

Jeff LaPonsie is a clinical social worker at Kalamazoo Child and Family Counseling, PLLC. He provides counseling to children and families in the Kalamazoo, Portage, and South West Michigan area. He is passionate about helping challenging children and frustrated parents. Jeff has over seven years of experience working with at risk youth. His clinical expertise includes working with children with behavioral, anxiety, attachment and trauma related disorders.

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child counseling
Child Counseling Parenting By Jeffrey LaPonsie 0 Comments

Child Counseling

Child Counseling: How can I tell if my child should go to therapy?

So you’re thinking about counseling for your child, and you’re wondering, “Maybe it’s just phase,” or “It doesn’t seem that bad.”  By the nature of growing up, children are learning new things all of the time. With growth come bumps along the way.  Additionally, it can be difficult to tell if your child’s behaviors are normal and should cause no alarm, or if it might be time to talk to you child about counseling.  It can also be difficult to tell if a child is just going through a phase or if their emotional distress is normal. Most child counseling involves the family to some degree or another. At Kalamazoo Child and Family Counseling, we greatly stress the importance of parents being involved in their child’s counseling. Parents can think about their child’s life in three main areas to help determine if they might need counseling.

How does your child behave at home?

  • Do you and your child fight? How intense are the fights?  How long does it take for your child to “bounce back?”
  • Does your child frequently fight or argue with siblings? How intensely do they fight and how long does it take for your child to recover from these fights?
  • Is your child withdrawn or isolating himself or herself from the family?
  • Do you and your child have the relationship that you want?

Child and Family Counseling can help build relationships between parents and children or siblings with siblings. Additionally, evaluating how children do at home is important to think about when you are considering counseling for your child.  This is especially true because the relationships that children have with their parents is a profound predictor of how they do long term.

How does your child do socially and at school?

How children do at school and in their social groups is another thing that parents should think about when they’re considering counseling. Some questions that parents should ask themselves when wondering if they should take their child to counseling are:

  • Is my child performing to his or her best abilities in school?
  • Does he or she have trouble focusing?
  • Does my child get into fights at school with peers or teachers?
  • Does my child have a difficult time making friends?
  • Do I routinely get notified of my child’s misbehavior at school?
  • Does my child frequently skip or not put in effort at school?

How does your child do in his or her personal life?

Children’s mental health is often evaluated in the context of how they’re doing at school or with family.  Also, It is important to think about your child as an individual.  Here are some questions that parents should ask themselves about their child as well:

  • Is my child generally sad or express general boredom like he or she is unable to be interested in anything?
  • Does my child seem anxious or frequently worried? Does he or she sleep too little or too much?
  • Does my child have poor self-esteem or lack confidence?
  • Making the decision to take your child to counseling can be difficult. If your child is having problems with one or two of the problems listed above it would make sense to think about talking to a professional.

Here are some things that should always be taken seriously and indicate a more urgent need for child counseling:

  1. Your child talks about wanting to die or commit suicide. Always take children talking about suicide seriously.  Call 911 or take your child to the nearest emergency room if you’re worried about your child’s safety.
  2. Your child has disclosed being sexually abused.
  3. Your child is using drugs or alcohol.
  4. Your child is engaging in self-harming behavior (cutting/burning his or herself. Binging or restricting food, etc).

 

Kalamazoo Child and Family Counseling offers child counseling in addition to support for frustrated parents.  Call or email for a free consultation.  Navigating these sorts of decisions is difficult and parents don’t need to do it alone.

 

jeff laponsie LMSW kalamazoo

 

 

Jeff LaPonsie LMSW

Jeff LaPonsie is a clinical social worker at Kalamazoo Child and Family Counseling, PLLC. He provides counseling to children and families in the Kalamazoo, Portage, and South West Michigan area. He is passionate about helping challenging children and frustrated parents. Jeff has over seven years of experience working with at risk youth. His clinical expertise includes working with children with behavioral, anxiety, attachment and trauma related disorders.

Read more